the mini-test

All day today dementia has been taunting me. "I've got your Mother and you can't have her. Na na na naaaa na."

From the first response to my "Good morning Mom." "oh..." to the last response "Bye Mom I love you." "umm..."

Today was Mom's annual physical with her primary care physician. Her doctor is wonderful, we are so lucky. She really listens to Mom (and me) and is thoughtful and respectful. I gave the doctor my list of concerns, the first item was Mom's continual loss of cognition, her mental decline. This summer she is having a hard time with he/she and him/her. She doesn't remember anybody's name. Sentences start out about one thing and quickly morph into a totally different topic.
"We had chicken for lunch because the cat likes to sleep with me." I hardly ever hear one complete sentence.

Mom's doctor decided to give her the Mini-mental screening again. I think Mom only got two answers right, she could name a pen and a watch when asked "What is this?"

We had been waiting in the examination room for a while, Mom in her johnny and me with my notebook. We discussed all the posters on the walls: osteoporosis and spinal curvature, using bug repellent to protect you from ticks, hand washing safety, and the farmers pictured on the calendar.

"Do you know what month it is?" the doctor begins.
"Hmm, well we had the fourth of July."
"Do you know what season it is?"
"Oh? Um, it's spring."
"Do you know what year it is?"
"I don't have to know what year it is, no one asks me that, I just show up when they tell me it's dinner time."

The calendar is directly across from her, she doesn't even know how to find the answer, how to cheat, how to look up to the calendar to find the answer. She can't use her tools.

"Do you know where we are now?"
"Stuvwxyz blah blah blah, but we just call it Stuvwxyz, I don't know what the rest of the words are, I don't need to know all the rest of the name, but we just call it Stuvwxyz."
"Yes, Stuvwxyz is where you live, but do you know where you are now, right here with me?"
"ummm..."
"Do you know the name of this hospital?"
"aaah..."
"Do you know what town we are in? Do you know the town where Stuvwxyz and this hospital are?"
"ummm..."
"I'm going to tell you the name of three objects: apple book coat; repeat these three words: apple book coat"
"Apple cook boat"
"Apple book coat"
"Apple book coat."
"Good"
"Repeat this sentence exactly as I say it: No ifs, ands, or buts"
"No if and buts."
"Now can you tell me those three words I had you remember"
"Apple.... ummm" Mom is even holding her coat in her lap, and a there is a book in mine. ABC, 1,2,3, the book and coat are gone.

Aunt J

Mom's Aunt J__ was a headstrong and critical woman, someone who was always hard to please. Aunt J__ has been gone for almost twenty years.

Mom likes wearing her favorite pair of jeans, she wants to wear them every day. This faded pair of jeans are too small, they are ready to burst at the seams. I show her her other clothes in her closet.
"Those aren't my pants, I don't know who put those clothes there, I can't wear those clothes."
"Mom, your name is on these clothes, they must be yours."
"I don't have a closet, those clothes aren't mine."

"Aunt J__ stole my jeans" she says, patting her thigh, "but I got them back."
"Oh really?"
"Yes, Aunt J__ stole my jeans!"

Oh no, I hope that Mom does not think of one of her aides is Aunt J__. That would not be good. The aide that probably took Mom's jeans to the laundry.

moving... again

Mom's journey down the path of dementia, has lead her to another wing of the assisted living residence. The wing that is not independent living. Last week Mom moved to her new room.

This is the more-assisted living wing, the wing where the exit doors have key pads, so only those who know how, can leave. This is the wing where the glass stemware at the dining table has been replaced by safe plastic drinking glasses and the table cloths have been replaced by cloth place mats. The elegant dining room has been replaced by the communal gathering area.

This is a small neighborhood of people, those who need extra help. It's where Mom will get more daily help with dressing, cuing, bathing, more personal monitoring.

Hopefully she will be calmer and happier, because she will be more directed. For a while now she didn't know where she should be or what she should be doing. Mom was lost. She was lost in her head and lost in the independent wing of the assisted living residence. Her world had been 150' of a zigzag hallway, from her bedroom at one end, to the dining room at the other, and she was lost. She was frustrated, confused, anxious, and lost.

Her new room is in the part of the assisted living residence where I thought she might be placed last fall, when she first moved there. However, she was able to live in the independent wing for the past nine months. Now it was time to move. It has not been an easy move for Mom. She wants to be back "up there with the grown ups." She doesn't want me hanging up her photos and knickknacks because "I'm only going to be here for a week."

There is grief. I'm saddened by the continual decay of my Mother's being.
But there is comfort knowing that she is where she needs to be, where there are nice people caring for her.

but

I HATE dementia

I HATE Alzheimer's disease

I HATE IT

I HATE IT

I HATE IT