the WALK to End Alzheimer's

I am participating in the WALK to End Alzheimer's this fall.
As this is an anonymous blog - it's kind of hard for me to ask you to make a pledge for me or my team.

But I can ask you to join the WALK yourself, or pledge to a friend who is walking, or to the Alzheimer's Association in general.

They have been a great help to me.
They have great resources.
The Alzheimer's Association hot-line is there with friendly, compassionate, and knowledgeable people who can help. People who are only a phone call away, day or night. 800-272-3900

As they say
"Alzheimer's is a thief who robs us of the people we love."
Ain't it the truth.

two years

It's been two years that I've been blogging about Mom and this nightmare of dementia. As I look back, I think this journey started in 2006, something was just not right with Mom.

Quirky self isolating behaviors.
The excuses - the covering - the coping -

I don't have to go to every meeting.
You do it.
Write that down for me.
I'll do it later.
That phone doesn't work.
I'm fine.
The computer isn't working again.
I had to buy a new printer the other one wouldn't work.
This remote control doesn't work.
You have to come and take me to the doctors now.
This key doesn't work.
I'm going to heat up some V-8 juice for supper.
I don't want to drive after dark.
The grass is wet I'll mow it tomorrow.
I had to drive down there to turn around.
The garage door opener is broken.
I don't feel like it.
You have to fix this computer now.
This ATM card won't work.
Get your nose out of my business.

It seems like she couldn't solve problems. She could not gather the right thoughts to help her deal with obstacles or to handle situations that were different.

So when she turned off the computer's surge protector, and then the next day she wanted to use the printer and it didn't work, she "solved" the problem by buying a new printer.

So when the smoke detector went off because she forgot her dinner on the stove. She "solved" the problem by silencing the smoke detector with a broom handle.

So when she misplaced her key ring, instead of looking on the key rack for the spare keys, she ordered new lock and keys for the P.O. box and new keys for the car.

And instead of asking for help, she denied that anything was wrong and covered her mistakes.

I wish my Mother could have been brave like Janet.

that necklace

Mom has a necklace she wears every day. It has great sentimental value for her. It is big and brass and jingles. Every day she wears her too-tight jeans and her brass necklace.

When I took her to her doctor's appointment last week, as she undressed, I put the necklace in my purse, and then I forgot about it.
By Saturday Mom was in a panic. She could not find her necklace. Mom wrote up large posters and hung them in her bedroom windows, facing out to the woods. "Find my jewels."

She told her friend she had lost "something" she had lost something very special, but she couldn't even say the word "necklace". She's clutching her breast and crying, "You know, you know that thing, I lost it." She told her friend that she had lost it while bending over the river. (How did a river get into this saga?) This friend helped Mom look in all her drawers and in and under her bed.

Finally one of the aides remembered that Mom and I had gone to the doctors together, and called me. Yes, it's here in the bottom of my purse. I feel like I have the baby's pacifier or the toddler's favorite stuffed animal.

When I called Mom to tell her that I "found" her necklace, she was almost crying. "You don't know how much it means to me."
You're right Mom, I don't understand, I don't understand how you can be so fixated on this necklace, how you can spend hours and hours crying about it, but you don't even care (care, remember, know) if your brother has visited you this year, or if your son has called you today.

I also don't understand your anxiety about your cat. You don't like to leave him alone in your bedroom, you're afraid he's going to be lonely. Yet, you don't play with him.
"I have to see the cat."
"He's ok Mom, he is laying in the sun, on your bed, taking a nap."

"I HAVE to go see him!
He's my family!
YOU don't understand." she yells at me.

I don't understand. Damndementia, stab me in the heart, why must you be so cruel.