the twelfth day of Christmas

So today is the twelfth day of Christmas.

I'm trying to be positive. I'm trying not to think of the angry and lost woman my Mother has become. I'm trying to remember the good stuff.

Here is a list of twelve gifts that my Mom has given to me, gifts that have kept with me throughout my life:

The ability to see color. When she taught us Junior Girl Scouts the Dabbler Badge, we learned to look at things and see all the colors. To look at a cloud and see the pink, blue, white, black, and gray. To see the red, purple, gray, brown, and black in the bark of a tree.

Mom was an enthusiastic and loving grandmother, even though she did not have an example to follow.

She let me be crafty. I made doll clothes for my troll dolls. We spent one Christmas school vacation making a dollhouse out of a cardboard box. With a sofa from a matchbox, a bed from a Christmas card box, and "Modern" fireplace from a TP tube.

We went camping, summer and winter. Though I wish I had had a better sleeping bag. I'm surprised I still have all my toes.

My parents asked my new boyfriend to come on our family vacation. They asked him to join us because we were going on a two week canoe trip and I needed a partner in my canoe. He's still in my canoe. I also think they liked him and knew him to be a capable camper and paddler.

Mom let me go away to college even when my Dad thought I should live at home and commute.

Mom pointed out that some kind loving people can still be bigots and racists; and you're never too old to learn not to be.

She taught me to buy quality. Money is well spent on a good pair of shoes, a dress, chainsaw, or flatware; rather than poorly made stuff that will need to be replaced too soon.

She taught me that volunteering is an important part of life.

We saw America, the summer of my 11th year, taking a three month cross country road trip in the van and pop-up camper. National Parks and natural wonders.

She taught me that a family is not just made up of parents and their children.

She gave me a guitar, even after I "abused" hers.