Sunday, November 24, 2013

great grandmother

I picked up a bunch of daisies at the florist and a card. I dried my tears and put on my happy face.

"Mom it's so good to see you today."
"Mumble mumble oh oh my my mommy." she says.
"Yes, it's me" I say. "I have some happy news for you."
"Mumble bluk bluk err err err hey hey"
"You're going to be a great grand mother."
She stares at me with confusion and shakes her head.
"You're going to be a great grand mother!" I bring over the picture of my son and his wife, exchanging their wedding vows on Mom's front steps. "Look here's SJ and SR, now they are going to have a baby. We are so happy."
"Mumble mumble ark, blub, no, you mumble"

We go out to the common area and sit. I cut her fingernails, we visit and we "talk".
"You? mub stu gur  you you  bup bup bup?"

After my visit I sit in my car and cry.
I have the most happy news in the whole world to share... and only the moon smiles back at me.

Friday, November 22, 2013

glasses part 5

Mom's aide just called. She threw her glasses on the floor and stepped on them.

They can't find her second pair. She had two identical pairs of glasses; they are always dirty, lost, broken, screw-less, torqued, lenses missing. 
Last month I had to repair both pairs.

Now I don't know what I'm going to do.  I'll try to call our eye doctor and see if they can order another pair, just like the two she had.

Mom, do they bother you that much that you don't want them on your face?  Has your vision changed so much this past year?  I really thought that you react and socialize much better when you are wearing your glasses; that you could at least see what's going on around you.  When you are not wearing your glasses - it just makes you want to curl up and zone out, detaching yourself from your environment. 

Friday, November 1, 2013

my brother sings

My brother came east to visit.  It was great to see him and have him stay with us.

The first few visits with Mom went very well. She recognized him. She was even able to connect him to that guy in some old pictures. I was amazed.

She was talkative, it was all a garbled mess, but she was chatty. She had something to say and we just blundered along in her "conversation".

He even got Mom to sing along to three songs, I was thrilled. She even wiggled her bottom a little when we were singing Gray Squirrel

Because she was in a very chatty mood, she sometimes got stuck on a syllable and stuttered around before landing on another syllable.  My brother described her as talking in scat, like the amazing Ella Fitzgerald

It's not what you say - it's how you say it that's important. Our tone, inflection, and mood convey everything.

Hey Mom, I love you too, have a great day, I'll be back tomorrow.
"... hey hey hey skeep-beep-beep-beep de bop-bop-bop bo-do skeetle-at-de-op-de-day!"

Then my Brother got to see Mom on a not-so-good day. She was in her zoned-out mood. Just staring off into space.  Then she would HOWL and HOWL, uncontrollable sobbing.  What thoughts are running through her mind that make her so so sad?  What causes such heartbreaking sobs?

Oh Mom, we love you, it's all right, we're here, you don't have to cry.
"... doop de dooop de doop de dooop..."