Monday, November 23, 2009

I don't want to give up yet

"I don't want to give up yet."
How do you respond to that?
This was Mom's answer to her doctor's suggestion that she should think about moving: moving in with one of her children, moving into an apartment, moving to assisted living. Even just for the winter.
This was Mom's first answer that wasn't "No! no! no!"
It was the first time I got a peek inside her thoughts.
I think, she thinks, that receiving any help is failure.
She is so stubborn about letting anyone help her. No visiting nurses, no meals-on-wheels, no hiring someone to mow her lawn or trim her shrubs, no help putting away groceries, no help making up the bed.
Does she think that if she leaves her house, she stops living?
Like rattling around alone in her big dark cold house day after day by herself is so great now? She was always the social person. Now she is isolated in her house until someone comes and drives her away. Even when she could drive, for the past few years she has become more self-isolating, not going to meeting and gathering, staying in instead of going out.

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