Tuesday, August 3, 2010

are you my mother?

You remember the children's book "Are You My Mother?" by P.D. Eastman. It is one of the great early reader books, along with "Go, Dog. Go!" and "One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish".

My husband and I are sitting at the kitchen table. I am decompressing after an exasperating phone call from one of Mom's friends. Breathe deep, try to think of the logical steps I must take tomorrow to deal with this news about Mom. Tomorrow, I can postpone any action until tomorrow, it's 10 pm now, breathe deep, calm down.

Our cat, is sitting by my feet, she looks up at me, tilts her head and gives a soft "mew?" My husband translates for the cat, "Are you my mother?" I scoop the cat up and start to sob, burying my face in her soft fur.
"I don't think my Mom knows that answer."

The grief is overwhelming. The loss of my Mother, who is still here. So many opposite emotions: I love my Mother, but I really don't like her much these days. I want to be with her, yet I procrastinate on my way to her house. I want to assent to her wishes, yet I can't do what she wants.

1 comment:

Dorothy Sander said...

I feel your pain. I have been there and it's one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do. Just know that you are not alone. There are many people, including another of friends, who is going through similar things. It's so hard to have to make decisions when we are grieving and yet, that is what we're called upon to do when caring for an elderly parent. You are putting one foot in front of the other, taking time to process in your blog and when you have time and that will carry you through. That and the love and support of those who care and understand.