connecting

It is so hard to make a connection with my Mother.  I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall.

When I am with her she will usually not look at me. She will turn her head away and stare at something across the room or just shut her eyes. I talk to her, I sing to her, I show her magazines and photos, I read her mail to her. I try to get her to work on puzzles. But, I cannot get her engaged in any of this. She is aloof? She is detached. She'll give me the "what are you talking about - what are you doing" stare, then look away.

I was there for afternoon Bingo.  The aide really wanted Mom to participate, so we went.  I had to put the large poker chip into Mom's hand. I put some extra chips into her other hand. Mom squeaked out:  "I don't know." "No, no."   communicating her confusion at the situation. Only twice did she move to cover a square with a chip.  "Thirty-four" was called, Mom tried to place a chip on a square that had "4" as part of the number.  All the rest of the time she just held her chips. I pointed and prompted but she wouldn't respond.

The OT provider called me yesterday. They have seen a little progress in Mom's physicality. She is back to being able to feed herself (although much of it is now hand-held food.) She was even "caught" taking herself to the toilet the other day. (yippee!)  I relayed to her that I noticed that Mom only needed one aide to help her get up from a chair, and she didn't cry doing it, and she remembered use the chair's arms to push up.
Am I grateful for these tiny little glimmers of ability? Yes, of course! But they are such small things.

Oh dammmmmdementia I hate you!