tired

I called this morning to check in on my Mother.

"I'm so exhausted, I had such a busy weekend."
What did you do?
"I went out for dinner last night."
I thought you went out for dinner with G___ on Saturday.
"Well, maybe, and then I skipped church, I was so exhausted."

So, here it is, Monday, and my Mother is still recuperating for being taken out to dinner two days ago. That's all she did since last Thursday.

Is she giving up? Is she crawling deeper into her hole of isolation? Is she exhausted because she's not eating? What does she do all day? Rattle around in her house.

I'll see you tomorrow. Think of something fun you'd like to do.
"I don't have to go someplace all the time. We don't always have to go out .... getting ready..."

Am I hearing that it is too much trouble to wash up and get dressed?
Is she afraid of places that aren't her home?

I don't want to give up yet

"I don't want to give up yet."
How do you respond to that?
This was Mom's answer to her doctor's suggestion that she should think about moving: moving in with one of her children, moving into an apartment, moving to assisted living. Even just for the winter.
This was Mom's first answer that wasn't "No! no! no!"
It was the first time I got a peek inside her thoughts.
I think, she thinks, that receiving any help is failure.
She is so stubborn about letting anyone help her. No visiting nurses, no meals-on-wheels, no hiring someone to mow her lawn or trim her shrubs, no help putting away groceries, no help making up the bed.
Does she think that if she leaves her house, she stops living?
Like rattling around alone in her big dark cold house day after day by herself is so great now? She was always the social person. Now she is isolated in her house until someone comes and drives her away. Even when she could drive, for the past few years she has become more self-isolating, not going to meeting and gathering, staying in instead of going out.

out to lunch

Sometimes when we go out for lunch, we'll find a small restaurant or a diner. Sometimes we'll find a sandwich shop, a deli, coffee shop, or pizza spot. Sometimes it's the cafe in the book store or the grill at the ice cream stand (with the really good fried fish and onion rings).

Over the past month I've noticed that my mother can no longer order lunch by standing at the counter and selecting items from the menu board. She is really much more comfortable (relaxed, non-agitated) when she sits down and reads a menu.

"I'll have what you're having" I now know is a coping trick. But, she really doesn't like to eat what I like. So, I try to point out things I think she might like. Then she gets mad at me for reading the menu off the board, "I can read you know!"

"I can't eat all that, it's way too much!" Of course it is. Anything you order is way too much. You always take home half of any meal you order.
Which is fine, she might eat twice today.