Monday, December 6, 2010

coping

How do you deal with it?
How do you get the initiative to visit Mother, when she is not glad to see me, when she is just grouchy and angry?

How do you deal with it?
How do you deal with family members who just don't "get it"? Who just don't understand dementia and Alzheimer's dementia. Who think that just because their 98 year old parents are capable, able, still driving to Florida for the winter, and flying off to Europe for the holidays; that my Mom should be too. They see my Mom walking and talking - they see her "healthy" - and they just don't understand that she is not capable and able to care for herself any longer.

How do you deal with the "hate mail" from these relatives?
I know my Mom feels that I've "put her in jail". I understand that is the dementia talking.
But how do you deal with relatives who yell at me because I've "thrown her in a nursing home to rot", because I "don't care about her."

3 comments:

NewKidontheBlogg said...

Mariarose,

Thanks for traveling this path at this time when your mom is so difficult and for being real here.

Relatives not understanding you--well--they aren't walking in your shoes, are they?! That does hurt a bunch! Can you minimize contact with negative people?

Cordially,
Carol

Pamela said...

I've found through my experience that my voice, my heart, must be louder than those that believe otherwise. No one else really walks in our path...they don't get it and they probably never will. Just this weekend my father-in-law asked me about my mom and if she was getting better!!!! blogging helps...I consider it inexpensive therapy :)

Debbie's Garden said...

My Mom can be the same way. She's the worst with my father. She actually thinks it's his fault she has alzheimers.
But relatives have been supportive, luckily. It was a relief to hear my Moms brother tell me that one day she'll need to be in a nursing home. Your heart is already broken and to have people judging you (the nerve of them!) is just too much.